Seven years ago, I lost my father. It was an unexpected death. He was sick and had trouble breathing. The doctors thought it was pneumonia. Turns out he had a pulmonary embolism. Two days before he passed he called me scared. He told me that he wanted me to know that he loved me and my brother more than anything in the world. He didn’t want to die without me or Daniel knowing this. I didn’t realize how serious his condition was (he was slightly melodramatic.) I told him that we both knew that he loved us and that if it was his time to go, to go peacefully knowing that. Little did I know, that 2 nights later he would pass in an ambulance on the way to the hospital gasping for air.
When emptying out my father’s home a couple of months later, I found a cassette player. To my surprise there was a tape in it. On this tape was my father’s beautiful voice singing. I have listened to this tape one time since it just put me into a downward spiral of grief. I was extremely close to my dad and hearing his voice but not being able to see him just pierced my heart. I don’t know why he recorded himself singing. It’s not something I remember him doing before but I am so glad that he did. It’s a connection that I still have to him.
Tomorrow would have been his 61st birthday. Happy Birthday Daddy. I can’t wait to see you again.
Now head over to Christa Paustenbaugh in Manassas, VA to see the music in her life.